Unless you are personally wrestling with your sexuality and how to honor God, let go and place the matter gently in Christ’s hands. It’s time for us to stop obsessing over the gay issue, except to prioritize welcoming gay and lesbian people, believing and unbelieving alike with precisely the same grace as we welcome everyone else.
I’ll wager if you have difficulty feeling and acting the same way toward people with same-sex attraction as people with opposite sex attraction, it isn’t so much what you believe about homosexuality as it is an issue of your own hangups about it. I see this urge to “take a stand,” and to let people know “what the bible says” about their intimate relationship with a same sex partner. Homosexual people are not illiterate. If they are Christian it is likely they have engaged with what the bible says about certain types of gay relationships that occurred in ancient Israel and 1st century Palestine and they have and continue to seek God live as they look to live out their best interpretation of what God wants for human intimacy. They may be wrestling with their orientation and their practices or they may feel at peace with themselves.
When was the last time you saw someone eating what you perceive to be too many pastries after Sunday service, or (in your opinion) a gluttonous helping of cheese puffs and dip at a Super Bowl Party and felt the need to let them know in uncertain terms where you and the church stand on the issue of gluttony? And for Pete’s sake, the gluttons are doing it right in front of you! When was the last time you saw a gay or lesbian couple making love on the church pews? !
Yet by sitting together and affirming a relationship, a gay couple is considered to be engaging in public sin. The cheese puff guy was the one committing a public sin! Gluttony is harmful to your body, a temple of the Holy Spirit, and it fails to live in light of the people who lack basic nourishment.
Homosexuality on the other hand is quite a private issue. If a homosexual or heterosexual person is living a promiscuous life and flippantly ignoring safer sex practices, this is a public sin — in fact a public health issue, to boot. But what a person does with another person in their bed is between those people and God.
And I cannot find anything innately wrong with loving, committed gay relationships that reflect a self-giving, other-centered sensitivity and a sense of mutual respect and fidelity. How can you tell someone love is wrong, when it isn’t harming anyone? If the fruit of love is present and a love that is patient, kind, self-controlled, seeking the wellbeing of the other, not keeping track of wrongs, etc is present and no one is being clearly harmed, perhaps it is the interpretation of scripture which needs to change, not the gay couple walking out a life together. A life like Daddy and Dadda, a gay couple in Massachusetts who have adopted five special needs children, who are now thriving.
I attended a mainline church for a period of time and felt frustrated by the double-speak, (ie “We are a welcoming congregation, but practicing homosexuals cannot serve in ordained positions.” This is like serving biscuits with moldy cream cheese smeared on top. How much worse is it be stigmatized where you thought you were welcomed?
Now imagine this:
We welcome gluttons, but binge eaters cannot serve in ordained positions.
We welcome gossipers, but busybodies cannot serve in ordained positions
We welcome self-righteous people, but judgmental Christians cannot serve in ordained positions. Whoops, there go most pastors flying out of their pulpits!
Whatever our beliefs about homosexuality, we cannot make gays out to be any more or less sinful than anyone else.
Church-sanctioned stigmatization of homosexuality is pointless, as well as damaging to our gay neighbors, whatever the beliefs and convictions of individual parishioners. Let’s remember that God cherishes each lesbian or gay human being just as much as his straight kids who keep to the missionary position within a governmentally sanctioned liason.
It’s time to turn our orientation toward grace and refocus. Remember, the sheep and the goats were not distinguished by their preferred sexual modality, or their opinion on whether butts should be tattooed with an “exit only” sign.
Romans 14 has some nice stuff that can help us live with the ambiguities we face within ourselves and the differences we discover among one another:
“Give a welcome to anyone who is not strong, but do not get into arguments about doubtful points…It is to God, then, that each of us will have to give an account of himself.” And for me, the ultimate litmus test is, “Does my theology enhance or hinder my ability to love my neighbor as myself?”
If our beliefs limit out ability to love our brothers and sisters, it’s an indicater that we’re limiting God’s love and probably we’re missing the boat on loving God, whose comes to us in our neighbor — regardless of sexual orientation.
Whoa, you have some passion about this. If I didn’t know better, I would say you despise anti-gay folk about as much as they despise gays. I know you write out of a sense of fairness and Christian compassion, however, so I’ll leave that there.
You raise a signficant question about our approach toward sin in general and toward specific sins in particular. If we as a church were more of a koinonia-fellowship, we would certainly point out gluttonous behavior, gossiping, and self-righteous judgementalism.
Sadly, we’re not such a fellowship and we’re the worse for it. I thank God I had a Christian friend draw a line in the sand about my drinking. I may not have otherwise survived to write this.
As for homosexuals, I agree it can and should be a private issue. One of my best friends is gay. We occasionally conversed about his sexuality and he happened to agree he thought it was against God’s will, but didn’t feel he could stop himself.
Nonetheless, we remained friends. I spoke out for him in a community dispute and served as a referral for him to become an adoptive father. He never made his sexual identity/orientation an issue and neither did I.
The truth is, however, that many people (gays and anti-gays) do make it a public issue (by doing such things as blog about it, like we are). It’s then that we have to come to a careful and prayerful decision based on our understanding of Scripture.
If we conclude, as I do, that same-gender sexual behavior is sinful, we then are obliged as Christians to speak this truth in love, all the while having compassion for the sinner. Some do this better than others, but we all have to do our best, with God’s help.
Hi Pete — I admire you for holding the convictions you do and yet being able honor your friend’s desire to be a parent, seeing that he could be a good parent and giving him a recommendation. I also think you are a rarity in being able to hold a personal view of what is biblical while seeing sexual behavior between two people in a monogamous relationship as a personal issue.
I also admire you as a well-rounded Christian — you have adopted special needs children and clearly care about a broad spectrum of issues and not just what people do in their bedrooms.
While I don’t personally hold that all homosexual relationships are sinful, I do agree that in a true Christian community there would be enough trust, intimacy and resounding love to be able to hold one another accountable for gluttony, anger, self-righteousness and any unhealthy relationships of whatever variety. Even so, accountability and humility go hand in hand. Asking questions, calling attention and creating space for a person to work through an issue and seek God’s will, I think allow more transformation than wagging fingers and offering “official disapproval” of whatever list of perceived sins.
I can tell you from personal experience that having either strangers or friends tell you that you are sinning when you don’t believe you are, and that they “want God’s best” for you — when you believe God is showing you Christ’s redeeming grace through the very relationship others are condemning based on their understanding of the bible is counterproductive a far as encouraging fellowship and spiritual growth in Christ go. Having someone impose their moral view on you in the name of God is alienating — it makes one feel that one is alone traveling a vulnerable path, just at a time when one most needs simply to feel enveloped in grace by one’s faith family. As I mentioned, most believers who engage in alternative sexual behavior (ie outside legal marriage between a man and a woman,) are well aware of the bible passages others believe show their activities to be wrong in God’s eyes. Whether or not the person engaging in the alt. relationship believes they are in the wrong, are confused or believe they are in the center of God’s loving will, albeit outside the box, what people need is friendship, acceptance and a place to work through issues on their own, in community, without a priori condemnation.
What I am passionate about is when people see everything and everyone through an interpretation of the bible — and fail to deeply see people themselves. I believe that this is the opposite of loving God and neighbor — the two greatest commandments, according to our Lord.
Thanks for your post. I would like to just say one thing about your experience in the mainline church; it may very well be that the position of that particular church you attended is in conflict with the denominational position.
If so then ‘open and affirming’ churches are stuck in a very difficult position: Do they abide by church polity or do they operate on the basis of their conviction as a congregation? That is a very difficult position for any congregation with a lot more at stake than what it might appear from the outside.
i don’t want to add anything because you said it perfectly. thanks for sharing.
Jim, I appreciate your perspective. Yes, you are right; often churches are caught in the crossfire when denominations feel the need to come out with an “official position.”
Thank you Josh — are you God’s personal affirmation person for me or something?
haha. i know. i feel weird even mentioning anything. but you’ve been spot on with exactly what i’d say. and i know i hate it when there’s a pile on at my blog about something that i’ve said and it’s always nice to be reminded that you’re not alone.
just thought i’d throw my affirmation of these thoughts in before the bitching started about you being a rainbow wearing, universalist.
Rainbows are pretty and Jesus probably thought so too…I mean his DAD created them, right? Anyway, I appreciate the encouragement
Jemila,
This is a gem of a post - you really wove together humor and sharp, critical insight in the context of your passion about the issue. I’m sure that many of those individuals who happily judge others’ sexual identities pay no heed to their own gluttinous cheese puff ways - I think there’s something in ye olde Bible about “sawdust” and “logs”… anyways please keep it coming - Medium Guy can’t get enough!
I agree with medium guy and josh - well done my dear! couldn’t have put it better myself.
It’s funny that we assume our judgment will draw people who are homosexual back into a relationship with God, as if it ever restored anyoned. If we’re supposed to be His reflection, I personally wouldn’t want to be drawn into judgment. Maybe that’s why Jesus constantly invited us to be mercy and love.
Hi Medium Guy & Mak — thank you for your kind words.
Jonathan, exactly. You are on the money.
Excellent.
The thing is - we allow people struggling with other sins as if it is between them and God - but for whatever reason, we act as if this is the one that we are to publicly shame and humiliate, and dehumanize other people over. The man cheating on his wife is more accepted than a homosexual in the institutionalized church - often holding ministries - hell, often times they are the pastors. Oh but if you are gay - you are pervert.
Our culture as a whole gets way too hung up on “sexual” sins and not nearly enough on materialism, gluttony, greed and the like.
You’re right - we need to refocus some of that energy -
The best place to start is to look at ourselves.
Hey, Jemila, caught your post and thought I’d raise a couple points …
It is interesting to me that your position is that, if someone is doing something wrong (maybe), what they need is friendship, acceptance and love, not confrontation or expression that an act is inherently wrong, while the biblical teaching about this is the exact opposite. First of all, while Jesus did confront the sin of those about to stone the adulterous woman, he did tell her to go and “sin no more.” Was she left to just figure that out or did she know exactly what he meant by that? I would suggest probably the latter. So grace has within it a directive to right living, and Jesus’ standard was the Old Law, as he clearly stated more than once.
But moving on to my point, secondly, Paul tells us that sexual sin is different from other sins (1 Corinthians), thereby seriously supporting why sexual sins can, and possibly should, be treated differently. Paul treats them as MORE serious. And his commandment to that fellowship was to cut such people off from fellowship, receiving them again only when they repented (i.e. turned from the sin). Paul even tells them not to eat with them anymore (the ultimate denial of fellowship). I guess we can’t be open minded enough to see rejection of fellowship as godly love, even though that is how Paul saw it (1 Corinthians is also where you will find “love is patient, kind” etc)
So while what you said is noble to a degree, we have to seriously disregard much of the Bible to do it, or just promise not to honestly discuss it at all, which is ironic since the ideas of love and grace are in there, too.
Peace.
Jewls, you put that very well.
Britt, I appreciate the spirit going into what you expressed.
One thing to consider is that Jesus responded differently in different situations.
With the Woman at the Well he simply narrated her life experience without casting judgment (she as well aware of what her culture thought of her circumstances,) and in fact she went on the become the first missionary! There is no indication that she had a change in circumstance, yet she is called and used by God!
In the gospels I see Jesus sometimes upholding the law but with a different priority, including creating space for exceptions, other times utterly reinterpreting the law, and at times apparently disregarding it. The way in which the law is viewed can be seen differently in each gospel depending on when and why the gospel is written — kind of like how a sermon may have a different point from the same passage depending on where the Pastor is going with it (and hopefully the leading of the spirit.)
In terms of Paul — he says sexual sin is different because it is sin against one’s own body. If anything, this points to it being a personal issue. Yes, there is a place for confrontation in love, but I do not see this as either the norm for Jesus ministry or ours. The only people Jesus directly confronts on a regular basis are those whose religious commitments are interfering with their ability to love and accept those they deem “unclean.”
Where excommunication was encouraged by Paul, my best understanding is that it had to do either with impacting the community in a hurtful way or being a harmful witness to outsiders (ie looking like the pagans,) and had to do with exploitive, licentious behavior rather than a monogamous relationship. Also, in Judaism, anything that was considered outside the “norm” was considered not representing the wholeness of God — women were usually pregnant or nursing, so menstruation was an anomaly that was see as “unclean,” likewise, homosexuality was seen as outside the norm and therefore deemed “unclean.” Yet Jesus is not made unclean by including the marginalized; instead he makes them clean. He eats with sinners and lets them touch him. He certainly doesn’t banish the sinful woman who washes his feet with her hair until she gets her life together in the eyes of her community! He includes her, honors her and says she will always be remembered for her act of humility, grace and courage
Jemila,
Thanks for your response clarifying the issue - a great example of how it is possible to selectively tweak scripture to back up pretty much any point, if we lose the context and the spirit of what is written.
Britt, the idea is, you have to look at not only the cultural context but even the rest of scripture itself before coming to conclusions about how different kinds of sin are “handled differently.”
Medium Guy, I think people don’t (on the whole) intentionally selectively tweak scripture so much as they are raised or baptized into certain apriori interpretations or dominant scriptures which are then used as a filter for anything else either in the bible or in life. It is a matter of where we start. If you start with Leviticus and Paul, you get one conclusion. If you start with Jesus’ saying that the greatest commandment is to love God and love your neighbor, and that this sums up the law and the prophets, you get a different idea of what’s important and what’s acceptable in a community of love.
Yeah, I guess I just have a problem when I observe fundamentalists display the following algorithm: They say Scripture is inerrant and that there are NO internal inconsistencies in the Bible. Then they proceed to pick and choose what to emphasize, what to de-emphasize, and what to ignore, and the explanation when challenged always has something to do with something not being necessary because we’re in Christ, but that too is inconsistently applied to different verses. So they end up doing these extraordinary gymnastics [quite frankly, they are behaving like the serpent in Eden, but that’s a topic for another time] and come across as very self-righteous about it, with all this false humility, as if to say, “Hey, I didn’t write it - I’m just the messenger,” while happily finding scriptures to back up whatever opinions they happen to have on culture and the world around them.
OK thanks I feel better now. Not all fundamentalists are like that, but I have observed many who are.
I definitely empathize with your feelings, Medium Guy. Also, as a former fundamentalist, I remember feeling, at times, really angst because I had to make it all work out to 2 & 3 = 4, and at other times, I felt like it was so obvious and was part of the self-righteous energy at the time.
I am certain of little — and yet I am happy to live on a path with God.
Do you really think that everybody that professes to be a Christian is really a Christian???? A real Chistian is obligated to tell “professing” Christians to repent of any SINS - homosexuality is clearly a sin in the Bible and so is gluttony.
Hi Linda — thank for your input. If you were struggling with over eating or any other unhealthy behavior, I wonder what would help you open to God’s grace to heal the underlying wound that causes unhealthy actions to fester into addictions…
Deep breaths Linda - remember - sawdust and logs…sawdust and logs…sawdust and logs… ok feeling better now? good.
Thanks so much, Jemila.
I feel that everything that you have pointed out is exactly what Jesus says about living with the Truth of the Word inside of you. Too many Christians chose to condemn rather than to Love. God is Love, God is within each and every one of us regardless of Age, Gender, Sexual Orientation or -gasp- religion. God will judge you, for he knows your heart better than any human person.
Far be it from any person to judge another because of what they view as sinful. Romans 14-15 says:
“Therefore, let us stop passing judgement on one another. Instead, make up your mind not to put any stumbling block or obstacle in your brother’s way. As one who is in the Lord Jesus, I am fully convinced that NOTHING is unclean in itself. But if anyone regards something as unclean, then for him it is unclean…Do not allow what you consider good to be spoken of as evil.”
Paul spoke perfectly on the issue of Perfect Love towards all in Christ, not condemnation and righteous judgement. If you consider yourself a Christian, you will Love the sinner in spite of his sin, for you yourself are a sin. Let go and let God, for he alone is the judge of mankind. He knows my heart, and he knows my will. He knows what is sinful to me and therefore to him.
So, again, thanks. Loved it.
Hi Greg — I love that Romans passage (and I am not a huge Romans girl
It is also a good reminder to me not to judge others for what they consider sinful, even as I wish not to be judged for what I consider sinless (since I am often on the liberal end of the spectrum in the eyes of Christians.)
Thanks again!