The cardboard wolf
It was early morning and I was out for a walk to center myself before a busy day with the kids. I couldn’t decide whether to walk by the lake and stroll in the woods, feeling real earth beneath my legs and soaking in the gnarled branches and green growth and birdsong, or to walk the paved sidewalk to the pretty park with the shipped-in sand and lovely man-made lake frequented by mallards, geese and lilypads. I decided the forest was more frightening and earthy and I wanted to get connected with what’s under our sanitized version of life – because I easily disconnect from life – and I began walking toward the lake, proud of my resolved. I noticed a wolf. It was very still and looked like it could be either fake or real. It could eat me, or it could be something bought at a party store made out of recycled cardboard. I told a little walking her dog about the wolf. At first she couldn’t see it. I think she thought I was crazy. I began to wonder if I’d finally lost it and was seeing things, like actual hallucinations. Finally the lady saw it too. I was leaning toward thinking the creature walk fake, but the lady said, “It looks real.” Her attitude was, let’s go look and see what it is. I said, “I don’t think I want to do that, I’m gonna walk this way.” And walk away I did, keeping an eye out, wishing a silent prayer that the woman wouldn’t get eaten and feeling bad I ever decided to walk that direction, lest I be responsible for her demise in the wolf’s mouth.
Walking away, I came upon a man, also walking his dog, wearing an official looking tag. I mentioned the sighting to him and he chuckled and said, “Oh. Those are to scare the geese. They work for about two weeks.”
I am a goose. In two weeks I will stop being afraid and walk in the woods where I place, straight past the lake and I will laugh in the face of the big bad cardboard wolf. Actually, I could probably pull it off tomorrow if I didn’t feel so sheepish. I could also pull it off tomorrow if I concluded feeling sheepish is an interesting and acceptable experience. Count your sheep as you go to sleep and laugh. It’s part of life! It’s okay to laugh with ourselves!
What are the cardboard wolfs in your life? What will it take assure you that they are fakes? What act will you do this week that’s equivalent to looking a cardboard fox in the eye and laughing as you walk on your way?
My cardboard wolf is grad school. More correctly, my fear that I can’t manage my young kids, working part-time and going to school and that I’ll slump into a miserable mess, unable to do anything and quickly go insane.
There you have it. I start August 22nd.
Amy, I am enthused for you — Wow — what are you going to grad school for? Seminary or something else?
Amy,
I just wanted to stop and share, as a wife and mother of children ranging in ages from 6-17: you only get the childhood years once.
The enemy, is the one that comes to wear folks out, so be sure that whatever you are doing is God’s will for you to do. Our families were created before it all.
God made the man then the woman and then he gave us family. How are we able to be fruitful and multiply if we are not first diligent to plant inside of our own homes?
Fear is not of God; 1Jo 4:18 There is no fear in love; but perfect love casteth out fear: because fear hath torment. He that feareth is not made perfect in love.
Mat 11:28 Come unto me, all [ye] that labour and are heavy laden, and I will give you rest.
Mat 11:29 Take my yoke upon you, and learn of me; for I am meek and lowly in heart: and ye shall find rest unto your souls.
Mat 11:30 For my yoke [is] easy, and my burden is light.
Time is too short and the end is nigh sis.
Redeem the time, don’t waste it doing what you think is good for you to do, but rather spend it getting done what Christ has given you to do.
Eph 5:15 See then that ye walk circumspectly, not as fools, but as wise,
Eph 5:16 Redeeming the time, because the days are evil.
Eph 5:17 Wherefore be ye not unwise, but understanding what the will of the Lord [is].
In Christ’s Love
Kristal
Amy, if you do what is aligned with the calling you sense on your life, you will have more energy than if you force yourself to do/not do what you think you should/shouldn’t can/can’t do. Be one with what you here to do and care for yourself as God loves you as much as God loves your kids.
Hey, we’re in the midst of vacation, so I haven’t been checking blogs.
Kristal, thanks for your words. Yes, I’m aware that I only have my children for a season. And yet, it is in this season that God has spoken to me and my hearts stirs…and I respond. Fear of balance is a real thing for me. In the midst of that I offer my own sense of control up to God and rely on his mercy and grace in my life and in that of my family. For me, I see that as healthy fear. Fear that compels me toward my God.
Jemila, I’m still deciding my actual major and since this will be about 8-10 years and 1-2 classes at a time, I have a while to decide. I’m thinking of a MA in Biblical studies with a second in Spiritual Formation and Soul Care.
My cardboard wolf is rejection. i concluded, this week, that it is better to just put myself out there and take what I get, instead of missing opportunities because i’m afraid of being disappointed or embarrassed. Perhaps I still need to learn how to laugh at and with myself a bit more, but i’m moving in that direction!
Jenn, what helped you begin to take that risk?
A question that helps me at times when the voice of insecurity arises and offers excuses is, “So what?”
With my six year-old daughter when we are working through her fears, I often ask her, “What’s the worst thing that will happen?” When she answers, I’ll follow up with, “Then what?” and “Then what?” Until she figures out that it will ultimately be okay whatever happens, even if it’s what she’s afraid of in the first place.